As we all know, there’s an election coming up. In the basement at Merge, there are two very different tape guns, and opinions on which is the superior are mixed. Candidate #1 is a newcomer from the Duck company. Known in these parts as the Tape Shark, Tape Shark dispenses Tape and looks like a Shark. Like the sharks found in ball pits at McDonalds across America, Tape Shark gets a smell for tape and leaves no prisoners. Candidate #2 is known as Old Blue. Old Blue is Old and Blue. While Old Blue may not have the go-get-em’ attitude of Tape Shark, it is user-friendly and dependable.

I asked around the office to get a feel for which tape gun does the best job of cutting tape. Jack Ball, Tape Shark endorser, states that Tape Shark is not a toy, like Old Blue. The technical name for Tape Shark is Tape Shark Pro, and Jack states that he is indeed a pro. Paul Cardillo, Old Blue supporter says “I hate the shark”. “I’m up here trying to talk to Billboard Magazine on the phone and you’re asking me about a damn tape gun for the Merge blog?” When I told Cardillo what Ball said about being a pro, Cardillo retorted “Jack doesn’t know what it’s like to work in shipping, and I’m the only Merge employee that looks like David Cross.”

Other Tape Shark fans include Wilson Fuller, who says “the Tape Shark is all about nuance”, and Maggie Fost.

Those in support of Old Blue include Jamie Beck, and myself. I just said “Old Blue is easier to use because it doesn’t have the hindering safety features of Tape Shark.”

Spott Philpott refuses to pick between the two candidates, and votes for the Ralph Nader of Tape Guns, Old Gray. Old Gray is not with us anymore, but remains in the loyal heart of one employee.

We could debate Tape Guns for several minutes, but the real issue here is that boxes need tape, or the whole system falls apart.
-beebo

(photo of Sonia on our “intern wall”)

(Beebo is the handsome young devil in green with Spott and Jack from Merge at Lindsey’s house-warming party ~Christina)

Over the past 2.5 years I’ve spent as an intern at Merge, I’ve not only learned how to burn massive amounts of cds using a machine that i have more ill will towards than any human (I have since nicknamed said machine HAL), but I’ve also met at least two dozen other interns who have somehow enriched my life, and have taught me things you just don’t learn in school. It takes a special kind of person to complete the massive mailings that are common assignments for Merge interns, but with the right company, it can be a lot of fun. I’m going to take this opportunity to highlight some of my favorite fellow interns, and today’s entry is on one Sonia Aneja.

Besides the usual mailings, interns are often sent on special missions. One of the most frightening experiences of my life involved Sonia and a trip to Crate and Barrel in Raleigh to pick up some new shelves. For the task, Spott loaned us his truck, which is a stick shift. Even though I’ve spent my entire life in the South, I never learned how to drive a stick shift, so Sonia drove. It became quickly obvious that Sonia only sort of knew how to drive a stick shift..and at this point we were well on to the dangerous one way streets of downtown Durham. The Durham Freeway is about 1.5 miles from the Merge office, and it took us at least 20 minutes to get there that day. Here are some photos from the office to the freeway..

Once we reached the freeway, all was in control, and the shelf mission was completed successfully. To this day i refuse to get in any kind of truck.

Another thing about Sonia was that she entered the Merge office with a vocabulary unlike anyone else I’ve ever met. I didn’t understand half the things she was saying most of the time, but what I picked up, I still use to impress people that are cooler than me. For instance, before I met Sonia, I thought the word “baller” was limited to describing someone who is really good at basketball (ie- You have to be a real baller to play for the Harlem Globetrotters). I learned from Sonia “baller” can also be used as an adjective to describe items (ie- those socks are BALLER), and also as a number. On MySpace, Sonia has BALLER friends. I’ve been trying to figure out how to count to baller, and I’m pretty sure it can’t be done. It’s the new infinity.

Sonia now works in NYC doing baller stuff for baller people.

That’s it for this edition of Intern Corner

- Brian Burns aka Beebo aka The Kid